Lately I've been researching the connection between our relationship to each other, the relationship to the natural world and our sense of belonging. I came across the article below at Mothering Magazine. I can't say that I agree with everything presented by Peggy, but much of it is good food for thought. Here's a snippet:

"Many of us are also nourished by friends, whom we love as family. We belong not only to them but also to other loved ones, to our neighborhood, our town, our state, our country, and our world. How can we possibly juggle our responsibilities to all to whom we belong?"
Before going to read the rest of this article, here are a few links to information about children's connection to nature, that you might find interesting:
City As Playground at Team Helsinki
Leave No Child Inside
Children and Nature Network
The Green Hour
I don't want to refer to the events of September 11 any longer. I'm sick of talking about it. Yet it continues to inform everything since then. This is a reference point for all of us in the world. It is a time when we have seen a deep division in the world regarding the means used to resolve conflict. We have all had to dig deeply into our beliefs. Some have generated faith, others fear. We have all had to reevaluate our beliefs about the meaning of life. We are challenged at this time and in everyday life to bring meaning to the events of our lives or to live with emptiness.

As Laurens Van der Post writes in A Far Off Place, "The real, the only crises out of which all evil came was a crisis of meaning. It was the terrible invasion of meaninglessness and a feeling of not belonging." The implication of this statement is that it is our sense of meaning and belonging that help us to be resilient to the vicissitudes of life.

How resilient do you feel? Where do you get your sense of meaning? To whom do you belong? Many of us have been asking these questions more lately, have been getting back to the basics. I went into a needlecraft store recently, and the shopkeeper said there had been a marked upswing of interest in knitting since September. When tragedies happen, we are reminded of the importance of the small, of the ordinary. I am always nourished by the familiarity of sweeping, washing dishes, hanging clothes, feeding the birds.

I am also nourished with a greater sense of meaning in my life when I acknowledge my inner life. It helps me every day to have a relationship with the invisible part of myself, and I appreciate that there is more to me than just my outward demeanor and performance. Having a relationship with my inner life helps me to remember that there is more to life than what I own and how I look. We all feel more at ease when we honor the existence of deeper principles and dimensions operating in our lives.

Sharing these deeper dimensions gives family life its unique intimacy. This intimacy of belonging to and having a common sense of meaning within our families makes us more resilient to life's swells and storms. I have found deep meaning in my family life because it is obvious to me that what I am doing in raising a child is to contribute in no small way to the future of civilization. I find deep meaning in the realization that I am one among a long chain of mothers continually birthing the human race. It is heroic to live a family life of your own design, to develop your own ethic of parenting, and to weave rich meaning into the fabric of your life by living intentionally.

Living intentionally means that we sometimes have to review our social life to see that it doesn't compete with family life. While we find meaning in life from our social connections, our friends and acquaintances, it is our family life we must protect. Likewise, we find meaning in helping the larger community and want to participate as a citizen. Here again we can feel pulled in many directions and must often say no to the outside world in order to have the time we need to be with our family. The idea of quality time is a myth. Our loved ones need quantities of our time.

What I find helpful when I feel overextended is to take some time to reflect anew on my priorities. I'll write each of the following words on small pieces of paper: society, friends, God, family, self, work. Then I will arrange the words in order of my priorities. I find that I am not always living my life in keeping with my priorities. It is at these times that things can feel meaningless and I can feel out of touch with those to whom I belong. And it is at these times that I forgive myself and initiate change to align myself more with my own priorities.

My priorities are set by my beliefs about where I find meaning in life. And they are also influenced by my sense of belonging. I belong first to myself, or perhaps first to God as an original expression of the Infinite. It is this originality to which I belong and to which I must be true. It is my responsibility to express my uniqueness and to keep faith with it by having an unconditional friendliness with myself. In this way I belong to myself. I abide with myself, am steadfast with myself. In this state of radical acceptance of my deepest self, I feel that things are right with the world.

It also makes sense that I belong to my loved ones. My family contains me and fosters a sense of belonging that gives my life deep meaning. My adult children and I speculate about this. We continue to enjoy each other's company very much and sometimes reassure each other that it's okay that we get along so well-although we know, of course, that it is. That this healthy intimacy should even be questioned points to our collective conflicts about what is meaningful in life.

It's been practical and economical for one or another of my adult children to live at home from time to time, and it seems harsh to expect them to follow a straight trajectory to full adulthood. In earlier times, as you know, it was commonplace for different generations to live in the same house. The sense of belonging that the adult child still has with the family can act as a buffer as they wean themselves to the world and face the challenges of low wages, high rents, and a myriad of new social situations. Likewise, as my parents have gotten older they have found new meaning in belonging to our extended family. The sense of belonging to family nourishes us at all ages.

Many of us are also nourished by friends, whom we love as family. We belong not only to them but also to other loved ones, to our neighborhood, our town, our state, our country, and our world. How can we possibly juggle our responsibilities to all to whom we belong? Here is where we may have to scale down our expectations of ourselves. We can't take care of our belonging to the few if we try to be too much to too many. This is just a fact, and we must daily choose our priorities with respect to our family and our responsibility to the larger society.

The larger society can always be tempting. We can lose ourselves in search of meaning and belonging in materialism and consumerism. Or we can be seduced by titles and accomplishments. Even when we do good work and labor for causes that help others, we must still strike the balance. Although work can be very meaningful, one can never belong to a cause. There is always more good work to do, and one even has to let that go. We cannot let things go with the family, however. We cannot let go of spending time with one another. Real-life belonging requires time. There is no substitute for this.

In a related way, I have spent time walking the land where I live. I have grown flowers, fruits, and vegetables here for many years and have gotten to know the habits of the seasons. I feel now that I belong to this land, that it has become a companion to me. I've lived in my house for almost 18 years, and I have a relationship with my place. I know the trees and the landscape and the habits of the wild animals I feed. There is reciprocity and harmony as well as the ever-present mystery. When I think of leaving this place, it is often the relationship with the land that I consider. To move would leave our family bereft of our history. The history of this place is something that we belong to as a family, something that we have in common with each other and with the land and something that gives our life as a family meaning.

Belonging to the land, to a place, hearkens back to our earliest beginnings as human beings. The Van der Post book mentioned before illustrates the deep relationship human beings have with nature. We do better when we are in tune with our own natures. We feel more confident when we know how to handle ourselves in nature. We are nourished and healed by being in nature. Whatever we do to develop a relationship with nature will give us a deep sense of belonging and bring richer meaning to our lives.

In this new year we will be asking ourselves the reflective questions of the examined life. How can we have a relationship with ourselves that holds steady no matter what we face in life? Where do we find meaning and a sense of belonging unassailable in our lives? How can we protect our family life? What is our responsibility to the larger community, the society, and the world? How do we find meaning in the simple things, the small things in ordinary life?

We ask these questions because we want to move forward by going deeper in life. As parents we have the responsibility to examine our lives in order that we may raise our children in the most authentic environment. An authentic environment is not perfect, but it does provide meaning and belonging. Sometimes asking these questions may inconvenience us. Sometimes the answers may require us to change. Sometimes they make those we belong to uncomfortable. Still our children require this of us. We do not want our legacy to them to be unquestioned hopelessness and cynicism, but instead the faith and optimism that finds meaning and belonging in all that happens in life.

To quote Van der Post once again, "Nothing that was ever done, was ever wasted or without effect on life. Nothing that was ever so insignificant as to be unimportant. Everything in life mattered and ultimately had a place, an impact, and a meaning."

Don't be afraid to be introspective, to acknowledge the importance of your inner life, to seek refuge in your family. The meaning offered by the materialistic values of consumer society can never keep you warm at night like the arms and caring words of family and friends. Invest in those to whom you belong. Infuse your life with community.

Just as we admire our ancestors who left beloved ones and familiar customs to make a better life in a new country, so are we the ancestors who now map the country of intimacy, of meaning and belonging for our lineage to come. We hold true to our vision of the inviolate integrity of the child and the inherent expertise of the parent. Even in the face of fear, we bear witness to the perfectibility of the human spirit. Even in the face of fear.

Katherine Dedyna of the Victoria daily, Times Colonist, compiles some stats for us:

Feeling lonely and isolated can do more than make people feel bad. It can be bad for their health, according to an accumulating body of scientific research.

Among the findings:

- The toll loneliness takes accumulates with time and goes right down to the cellular level, according to longtime loneliness researchers Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo at the University of Chicago.

- Lonely middle-aged and older people report more chronic stress and felt more helpless and threatened than non-lonely people with the same number of stressful challenges, they report in the August 2007 issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science.

- Blood pressure was 16 points higher in lonely people over 65, suggesting diminished long-term health, according to their earlier work.

- Loneliness is linked to accelerated wear and tear on the body, and interruption of restorative sleep, reports Science Daily. Even college-age lonely people had poorer quality sleep.

- Longevity increased by 22 per cent among people 70 and older with a large circle of friends compared to those with the fewest among 1,500 older people in a 10-year study by the Australian Centre for Aging Studies....

- The weakest immune response to flu vaccine among young people is found in the most isolated and lonely first-year university students, Health Psychology reported in 2005 .

- Alzheimer's disease is twice as likely to develop in lonely people, although the link is not well understood, says a study published this year in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

- Thinking about suicide and self-harm increased with the degree of loneliness, according to a University of Montreal population-wide survey in 2001.

- The number of Americans saying they have no one to discuss important matters with increased from 11 per cent to 25 per cent in less than 20 years, according to a 2006 paper called Social Isolation in America by sociologists at Duke and the University of Arizona.
© Times Colonist (Victoria) 2007

Rick Bateman of Social Circles Canada has been doing some research on the social wellness of people who live in the Victoria area of British Columbia. Here are the results and his analysis:

For the months of September/October Social Circles been conducting an on-line survey and invited members of the Victoria general public to participate. During the two months a total of 122 people did so. I ran a separate, identical survey with Social Circles members and those 27 additional results are not included in this summary.

Over the course of the two months participation was invited through the Social Circles website, display advertisements in the Times Colonist and the Black Press group of newspapers such as the Oak Bay News and Saanich News, among others. An email invitation was sent to 1,500 Victoria based individuals representing a broad demographic sample. Also during this time an advertisement for Social Circles appeared in Boulevard Magazine and a full page write up about us appeared in the Times Colonist.

In addition to asking for basic demographic information such as gender and age, I asked four social wellness questions:

1. How many close, personal friends do you have?
2. How often do you spend time with a close, personal friend?
3. How often do you engage in social activities NOT related to work or career?
4. How many NEW close, personal friends have you made in the past twelve months?

These four questions may be considered similar to the “annual physical” exam we might experience at the doctors office. Like taking your blood pressure, weight, and checking your lungs and other systems, a doctor can tell a lot about a person in general from some very basic information....

Before we review the answers to the above questions, lets look at the demographic results.

77% of the respondents are female. This is reflects a normal gender participation rate in social activities other than sports in general. Ask any woman.

57% of respondents are between 42 and 60 years of age - Baby Boomers. 15% are under 41 and 33% are over 61. This spread is representative of Victoria demographics in general per BC Stats as reported on the Victoria Vital Signs website.

About 40% of the respondents are in a relationship of some kind and the remainder are single, widowed or divorced.

53% of the respondents live alone. This is significantly higher than the 49% reported by Statistics Canada for the city in 2001. Based on the trend North America wide I suggest this is not reflective of a margin of error but rather simply an update.

The over 80% of the respondents have post secondary education. This is no surprise as educational attainment is directly correlated with civic participation. 40% have university degrees.

In terms of employment almost 80% are working, 36% retired and 6% attending school.

Overall, the above figures represents a picture of Victoria which is reflective of the data found in much larger sample sizes such as BC Stats and Stats Canada. Given that, I think it is safe assume that the following figures are equally representative.

In answer to the question, “How many close, personal friends do you have?” 63% said three or more with the remaining people answering two or less. 10% have only one friend and approximately one in ten people have none.

Research has shown that the physical and mental health of people with less than four close personal friends suffers significantly. Interestingly, there is little gain shown by having more than four. North America wide, the average person now has just two close, personal friends. 50% of the population have only one or none. The impact of social isolation on an individuals physical health has been estimated to be equal to that of smoking.

In answer to the question, “How often do you spend time with a close, personal friend?” there was an almost even spread from more than once a week to less than once a month. Unfortunately this means that over 50% of respondents are spending time with friends only twice a month or less.

In answer to the question, “How often do you engage in social activities NOT related to work or career?” again we see an almost even spread from more than once per week to less than once per month. Again this is not good news as it indicates that only about 50% of us engage in social activities twice or more per month. Over one in four people reported socializing only once per month or less.

Up to its peak during the early 1960's, the average person belonged to at least one or two civic groups, now the average person belongs to none. Joining one organized group that meets regularly will cut the probability of an individual dying in the next year in half. Joining two groups cuts it to one quarter.

In answer to the question, “How many NEW close, personal friends have you made in the past twelve months?” 53% of the respondents answered none and a further 23% answered one. This is the most telling and troubling figure of the survey because this is the future.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that no matter what our age, over time all social circles suffer from attrition. Our friends move to another city, get married or divorced, or pass away. If we are not making new friends, our social circle slowly diminishes. Since this happens very slowly, few people are aware it is happening. If we have not made at least one new close, personal friend in the past year, our social wellness is likely overall on the decline.

The overall picture painted by the above figures is one of poor and declining social health in a large number of Victoria residents. The cost in human suffering and the financial costs incurred at all levels of government is high. The government has gone to great lengths to stamp out cigarette smoking because of such costs. If the health impact of social isolation is equal to that of smoking and we have approximately three times the number of socially isolated individuals in Victoria than we do smokers then there is a case to be made for some attention to be paid to this issue. In addition, no other lifestyle change has as much positive impact as improving social wellness because it improves not only physical health but mental and even material health as well.

Social Wellness is important to us as individuals and as members of our communities because it effects our individual physical and mental health and thus the overall health of our neighborhoods. On both levels it effects our financial health and our ability to effect change or to effectively deal with challenges. The social health of its citizens is important to governments because health costs are one of its largest expenses. A socially healthy citizenry is a key ingredient of democracy and will be essential in our ability to deal effectively with the challenges of the coming decades.

For complete results of the survey visit http://socialcircles.ca/survey/

This is some interesting commentary on the isolating nature of the internet, even in light of "web 2.0" technologies that are supposed to be linking us together:

Isolation

It’s a regular occurrence to read comments on the anti-civ blogs (and from the bloggers themselves) about how people don’t know anyone else nearby who they shares their views. I also see people on email discussion lists making this same complaint.

The internet is great at connecting people up but ultimately it is all promise and very little delivery and there is something slightly worrying about how it moulds my behaviour. Initially there is a great flush of excitement upon discovering this wonderful anti-civ corner of the web and this conditions us to keep coming back to the computer for more. Unfortunately the connections made online can only ever be made at an intellectual level.... Maybe sometimes someone will write something that will get you on an emotional level but ultimately the sense of community and acceptance I keep trying to get out of my computer is not forthcoming.

I’m currently spending most of my day working in a room by myself working so it’s even worse right now but what happens is that I get online and start browsing blogs looking for something meaningful. I’m well versed in anti civ thinking these days so it’s harder and harder to find something to give me that old hit, plus I probably only just ‘did the rounds’ recently and there’s hardly anything new. I usually begin to stray further and further past the edges of my blog-circle in the hope of finding something that interests me.

I end up skim reading a bunch of stuff that doesn’t excite me and finally when I feel completely flat and empty I stagger out of the room in search of real people. Luckily I have a family and there’s usually a real person somewhere in the house when I need one.

So is this a zero-sum game? Does the fantastic information and insight I gain from the internet make up for the appalling effect it has on my social life. I mean, if I didn’t spend all this time online I wouldn’t be on this whole new ‘plane of existence’ that separates me from my real life peers and instead I’d probably be out there hanging with them. Is it really worth it when the only thing that really gives meaning to life are the real-life connections I make?

Hold on! I hear you say. Aren’t you forgetting about spiritual and mental development in that mix? – What about the search for insight and truth? Isn’t that important? Don’t we need that too?.

I’m not sure. Some of that can be quite self indulgent that questing for truth. We can also get spiritual development out of rubbing up against other people in real life situations - if we aren’t too careful about keeping a safe distance that is. I think it’s the type of development humans are supposed to have too.

‘Course, I’m not ready to give up the net yet but I do think I need to find a way to put all this stuff to practical use. I think that’s why I like Comrade Simba, in a single posting from him you can usually get a bit of philosophy mixed in with instructions on how to build a water pump. There’s something kind of grounded and even soothing about that.

An article from the local newspaper of our BIG Games Contest Winners:

Powell River's Canada World Youth (CWY) guests took first place in a game design competition. The group will receive $5,000 for their efforts.

The contest was called The BIG Game (Belonging in Games) and was created by The Belonging Initiative, a national collaboration of organizations aiming to end loneliness and isolation, particularly for people with disabilities, said national coordinator Brian Smith. It was an experiment to see if games could provide a method to end isolation and foster community.
In the beginning, 30 teams signed up for the competition, but in the process, some joined forces. When it was time to compete, there were 20.

The games were judged by their success in meeting four criteria. They had to be fun, be playable by almost anyone, have real-world social interaction, through Internet, personal contact, ads, phone tag or postcards, and expand players' social networks to include people who are different from them.

Mariah Pia Perez was one of the CWY participants who presented the game in Vancouver. "The idea is that it's a large game that can be played within a community on a large scale in order to get people to expand their social networks and interact with people they normally wouldn't interact with," she said.

The winning game is called Free Trade. Each player creates a profile containing three desires. The wishes cannot be illegal or cause harm to anyone. All desires have to be realistic. One must contain be physically challenging and one mentally challenging.

The players are assigned other participants in a community network. Each player must then try to fulfill one desire for each player they are assigned to. In addition, the wishes must be fulfilled without notifying the beneficiary in advance and without spending money.

Each player who has one of their desires fulfilled is eliminated from the game. The player who fulfilled the wish is then assigned the eliminated player's targets.

In theory, each participating community would have its own game, but players would be connected internationally via the Internet so they could share experiences.

The game stood out because of its benevolent qualities. It is not particularly competitive and stresses positive actions. "Even when you lose you kind of win because you had something nice done for you," Mariah Pia said. "The other games were all about defeating your opponent."

Smith said the competition was close, but the winning game stood out because of its scope. "They had a big vision and came up with some clever ideas that seem like they actually might work," he said. The game was also designed to grow. Each player is required to find two friends to join as an entrance requirement. The game had the potential to include everyone in the world.

The initiative plans to launch some of the games and continue to hold annual competitions to create new ones.

The other teams represented a cross-section of the public, among them, another CWY group currently staying in Sechelt, participants from a community living organization, and a team of social workers.

While Mariah Pia said the other ideas were very creative, but few met the criteria of being a truly inclusive game.

The CWY plan to spend their winnings on a community project in Powell River and another in Namibia, where half of the group lives.

Jonathan Hutchings -- Peak Reporter
10/25/2007
©The Powell River Peak 2007